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95 Ways to Tell If You're Ghetto
1. You put sugar on your frosted flakes
2. Your kids were in your wedding
3. You call your mama by her first name
4. You have a car phone and no car.
5. You iron dirty clothes.
6. You've been a guest on Ricky Lake, or Jerry Springer.
7. You're nineteen and you just met your father.
8. You use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
9. You have a wife and kids but still live at home with your momma.
10. You chew ice.
11. You cain't/kant spell "can't."
12. You still wear anything that says "Whoop, there it is."
13. You record over previously recorded cassette tapes.
14. Your mother did your hair in the kitchen.
15. You don't pay your rent until you get the three-day notice.
16. You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
17. You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
18. You only go to church on Easter and Mother's Day or to meet a man (or woman).
19. Your first name begins with TA', La', or Sha'.
20. You took the batteries out of the smoke detector to put in your pager.
21. Your bank is a check-cashing place.
22. You have to put stuff on layway at the 99-cent store.
23. Your man can wear his hair in a pony tail but you kant (excuse me) can't.
24. You're hooked on ebonics.
25. You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
26. When you were little you had to be in the house before the streetlights came on.
27. You take bubble baths with diswashing liquid, shampoo, or liquid detergent.
28. You return gifts for money.
29. You yell "Pookie" in your house and five people turn around.
30. You think going to prison is "keeping it real"
31. You save cooking grease.
32. The only dates marked on the calendar are the 1st and the 15th.
33. Your mama whipped you and your friends.
34. You keep food stamps in a money clip.
35. You think grease and water make your hair curly
36. You wear tube socks with dress shoes.
37. You add water to shampoo to stretch it.
38. You put your kids to sleep with NyQuil or Dimetapp.
39. You use your welfare check as collateral.
40. You can read your haircut.
41. You use a toothbrush to style your "baby hair"
42. You named your daughter after cars you can't afford.
43. You bought your rims before you bought your car.
44. Your fingernails are longer than your fingers.
45. You think jury duty is a good way to make money.
46. You think going on a diet means no candy.
47. You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food restaurants.
48. You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
49. You use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
50. Turning up the heat means turning on a burner on the stove.
51. The batteries in your remote control is held with a piece of tape.
52. Something smells spoiled in the refrigerator, and all you do is change the box of Arm & Hammer Baking soda.
53. Your furniture is covered in plastic.
54. You run and get pots as soon as it rains.
55. The roaches in your house only come out when company comes.
56. The back of your toilet seat is always off.
57. You use vaseline for shoe polish.
58. You don't think you're clean unless there is visible baby powder on your neck and chest.
59. The heels on your feet look like you've been kicking flour.
60. You use Tussy.
61. You use black eye liner to line your lips.
62. You wear your shower cap everywhere but in the shower.
63. You dry-clean your washable clothing (ex. jeans, t-shirts, baseball jersey, etc.)
64. You've never been to the dentist.
65. You clean your teeth with a matchbook or a business card.
66. You clean your ears with a bobby pin, key, or ink pen cap.
67. You wear your clothes with the tag on them.
68. The only art you own is on your fingernails.
69. You refer to the hair at the nape of your neck as your "kitchen"
70. You never learned to swim because you couldn't get your hair wet.
71. Your child thinks his real name is "Lil' Man"
72. You have trouble spelling your children's names and you named them
73. You page yourself
74. You wear a watch that you know doesnt work
75. You got angry when the government stopped the cheese program
76. Everytime you have have mac & cheese, you feel the need to comment on how nothing makes it better then the "Gobment Cheese"
77. You drive around on a donut, months after the flat happened.
78. The announcements at your church is longer than the sermon.
79. There are more guest at the reception than at the wedding.
80. The majority of the flowers at the burial site are plastic and/or taken back the next day.
81. You take the bus to a club.
82. You ask perfect strangers to take a picture with you and tell people you dated them.
83. You're child drops his pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking on it.
84. You buy your stockings at the same place you do your grocery stockings.
85. You've been wearing weave so long you forgot the actual length of your hair.
86. You consider kool-aid a vintage wine.
87. You think all high-rise apartments are projects.
88. You tell all your friends you are mixed with some other nationality, but the naps tell a different story.
89. You mixed up some kool-aid and realized you don't have sugar. Then you put the pitcher in the frige until you buy some.
90. If you ever use 'nem to describe a group of people (ex. Leroy and nem, or Jethro and nem)
91. You have relatives named Leroy and Jethro.
92. You ever left a social gathering with a plate.
93. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (ex. Tooked, Light-skinneded, kilt or killeded, ruint, )
94. You fell asleep in a chair so that you wouldn't mess up your new hairdo.
95. If you had nostalgia reading all these things.
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