Hitchhiker's Guide to High School Fun

1. Call the school and leave the phone off the hook. The way some (but not all) phone systems work this will tie up their phone for as long as yours is off the hook.

2. Protest U.S. aid to reactionary regimes abroad by defoliating plants around the school or by digging a bomb crater on the front lawn. When the ecology freaks complain ask them where they were when the U.S. was doing the same thing to Indochina.

3. Draw or paste something 'obscene' on pull-down wall maps or movie screens.

4. Get some of the punch cards that your school uses for taking attendance. Punch new holes in them either with a keypunch machine or a screwdriver. Then switch the cards with others wherever they are stored. If you can figure out the code the cards are punched by this has even more possibilities. You can often be just as effective without actually repunching the cards by redistributing them a few days after you collect them (particularly when they're used for attendance).

5. Start an information service to get new students opinions and warnings about the teachers and administrators before enrollment day.

6. In gym classes or in hallways between classes have massive searches for 'lost' contact lenses telling people not to walk through the hall or 'you might step on it'.

7. If your school still has a dress code protest it having everyone do something disruptive that does not violate the code. For example, dye your hair green with food coloring.

8. Free all the animals in the biology classroom. This is an oldie, but a goodie.

9. Write a 'consumer report' on the 'education' you've been consuming. Distribute it to parents at school functions.

10. Periodically have students go to the office to have some rumor confirmed or denied.

11. Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying the minds of youth then telephone the police to come and take the criminals into custody. And, for the kicker, ask your public affairs teacher for extra credit.

12. Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study hall.

13. Rub lipstick, glue, or Vaseline onto the doorknobs of the school's administrative offices.

14. Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the principal's office. The antidote (most types are harmless -- make sure you get that kind) will make you vomit. Do so all over his carpet, desk, clothing, etc. then apologize profusely.

15. Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store -- it smells like concentrated urine. And if you can't figure out what to do with that then you shouldn't be reading this.

16. Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes. Print up everything that's confidential or interesting.

17. Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day'.

18. Impersonate parental voices and make irate phone calls to the office.

19. Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put somewhere in the ventilating system. This has cleared school buildings for days.

20. If your school has a suspended ceiling (a ceiling composed of rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles can be pushed up) you can put a dead fish -- or anything else -- above them. Or put it into empty lockers and glue them shut.

21. Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self-destruct if opened for inspection'.

22. Print up false notices frequently using the same format as the school uses and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes. Eventually they'll never know what to believe.

23. Make your own passes, forms, tickets, etc. or lift them out of teachers' desks.

24. Are certain teachers or administrators misbehaving? Print up a rat sheet with their names and telephone numbers and distribute it. Now students can call up at any time and reprimand them -- 3:00 AM for example. Also you could order them pizzas ... plumbers ... think big!

25. Get hold of a film to be shown at a school assembly and splice in parts of another movie of your own choosing before the assembly. A little imagination on your part will make for an unforgettable day.

26. Teachers often leave gradebooks, conduct sheets, and attendance records unguarded. Take every chance to help yourself.

27. Put up posters all around the school. To make them stick permanently use Pet evaporated milk for glue.

28. Start wailing in the halls.

29. If you can't find any skunks, let chickens loose in the school ... or pigeons.

30. Create the 'WEB OF THREAD' in your classroom. Have everybody in your class bring a spool of thread -- with extras for people who forget. Tie your thread onto something and pass the spools around till you run out, winding thread around everything. (It is best to pick on one of your more dull witted teachers for this one). Explain that you did it in the name of art.

31. Ride a bicycle down a busy hall.

32. Save your book reports and essays. Give them to other students to use next year or re-use them yourself with different teachers.

33. Play with lighting and microphone controls during 'important' assemblies.

34. Flush things down the toilets (preferably faculty johns) like balloons filled with air, baseballs, M80's, huge amounts of toilet paper, etc. Then build an ark.

35. Put up notices inviting the entire school to a going away party for a teacher who isn't really leaving.

36. During some important test (SAT/ACT/etc. ) on each subject have some student who is good at that subject stand up and read the correct answers for as long as possible. When they're finished or silenced have someone else stand up and do the same thing. The test results will be worthless and it will have to be given over at great cost to the school.

37. Take down the American flag in front of the school and put up one of your own. The best way to do this is to lower the flag that's already up replace it with your flag and cut the rope about a foot below where the flag is attached. Then tie a slip knot around the other end of the rope that is hanging down to raise the flag. At this point there is no way your flag can be lowered without someone climbing up the flagpole.

38. Put alarm clocks in various lockers set on 'loudest'. Set the alarm clocks so they will go off about every 10 minutes then close and lock the lockers.

39. Have a group of people march around the school with a flag singing the Star Spangled Banner. If the administration tries to punish you telephone your local radio stations and patriotic groups and complain that your school is being run by pinkos. Extra points if a petition is involved anywhere after the fact.

40. If your school won't have a teacher evaluation make up some forms and do it yourself. Compile the result and publicize them to students, faculty, school board, and community.

41. Have a student lie on the ground. When a teacher comes scream 'he jumped' and point to the roof or third floor window. Mumble 'Fred dared him' or 'Maybe it was LSD.'

42. Toss handfuls of BB's on the floors of busy halls, assemblies, graduation ceremonies, weddings, funerals. Extra points for funerals.

43. Steal cafeteria trays or plates, burn large holes in them, and turn them into the school washer saying 'I guess the food did it'.

44. Leave phony letters of resignation from teachers or administrators on the principal's desk. Do this, and I'd vote for you for President.

45. Get a small group to always carry screwdrivers and slowly dismantle the school. Just try to picture it... Now, add the song from "The Wanderers."

46. Lots of bomb scares tend to break up the boredom especially during exams or on beautiful days. If you don't have the cajones for a bomb scare, try something simpler... Like a random sighting of the Backstreet Boys.

47. Photograph teachers and administrators constantly -- even without film.

48. Take the door of the administration offices off its hinges but leave it standing there. Remember to come early to school, so you don't miss the fun.

49. Can't figure out what to do with that blinking light that came with your one Pink Floyd album? Sneak into the girl's locker room and hid it behind an air vent in the wall. Then when one of the girls notices the blinking light, they'll think they're being taped! Class dismissed.