MA ~Poems to the Divine Mother~

© 1998 by Beverly B. Ferguson

Hari Bol, Hari Bol, Hari Bol, Hari Bol; it pours forth from this light blue sea in which I am drowning; unable to help myself.

I call Saraswati to help me but she laughs her crystal laugh and make the waves go higher. How could this be happening again-when I tried my very best to avoid it? How can I tell you how much it means to me? If you left her music in my life and took everything else away: I would live. If you took her music from my life and left everything else as it is: I would die.

I close my eyes and the blue-light envelops me, when I open them it is still there - everywhere.

If you think my interest is superficial you do not know my heart. If I don't come every day and stay it is because I cannot take the intensity-immensity.

It takes my breath away. Only the music seems real to me, I am possessed, obsessed, by sounds-everything else seems unreal, even though I am in the midst of my everyday life.

My mind and soul have been taken by Her and she is playing with me and laughing while I cry.

In pain, in bliss, -is there a difference? Nothing left but Her. Hari Bol, Hari Bol, Hari Bol, Hari Bol OM Aim Om Aim Hreem Shreem Om.

small OM

You don't know what you're doing to me Mother- if you knew I'm sure you'd stop: being the loving mother that you are- Or are you?

You will have your way with me won't you? What can I do but surrender to your waves of bliss and joy that flow hot from my eyes; blinding me to all but you. You don't love me or you would be kinder to me, instead of destroying me, totally, utterly. You play with me like you play with sounds until there is nothing left but Silence. Be kind to me Mother; I cannot live without you.

If you love me let me go- give me back my freedom-my breath, my existence, no, no, no, OM, OM, OM

small OM

You tyrant! I go to worship you, to pay my respects and you make me pay with my very existence. Some mother you are!

I am drown in the bliss of your oceans of sound and I won't be coming back.

Do what you will Mother, I will never leave you for I have dissolved like salt in the Ocean of your Sound, you cannot separate me ever again. Go play your cruel games elsewhere.

My heart cries out, silently, yet all the world could hear if it had ears to hear. I hate you sometimes Mother, you are so mean to me, you make me go out and play when all I want is to be with you. For you this is sport: for me drowning.

Waves of Bliss. Is this the way you show your love? Show me more!

small OM

Heart to Heart, Ear to Ear, All the music is already here.

small OM

You are mine Mother. Let's not forget that You can play with me; but I can also play with you.

I love you but I wish you were kinder to me, more gentle; you and your loving ways. You know I cannot live without you. Be kind to me I am your slave.

small OM

Hearts can hurt Mother so pour the soothing balm of your sweet sounds. "Make it better"

small OM

It's all your fault. Everything was fine until you came along. Now it's all a-shambles. Do you create only to destroy? Your madness amazes me. Were it not for your beauty; you would be an intolerable bitch.

Sing and play all day.

small OM

I was free 'till you put me in chains. Now, you dangle the key before my eyes and dance madly round in circles, playing your cymbals.

Worlds collide and you laugh. I have to laugh with you - you give me no choice.

small OM

If I were you, Mother, I'd be more careful. You take away my existence and expect me to be thankful- I am! You look at me but you don't know me.  It is the unseen that is important, not the seen.

If you would let me go I would promise not to tell - but where could I go that you would not be?

small OM

You have taken everything, Mother. Now you will have to take care of me.

See what your mischief has gotten you into. You exhaust me Mother, you and your games. Can't you find someone your own size to pick on? You did!

Every once in awhile, She lets one go!

small OM

For years Mother, we played hide and seek. Now I have become You - You have become me, the game is over....

Yesterday there were many, Today only One.


©  1999 Beverly B. Ferguson, Ananda Kutir