HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING (1961)

Music and Lyrics by Frank Loesser

Directed by Abe Burrows

Cast
Finch Robert Morse
Gatch Ray Mason
Jenkins Robert Kaliban
Tackaberry David Collyer
Peterson Casper Roos
J.B. Biggley Rudy Vallee
Rosemary Bonnie Scott
Bratt Paul Reed
Smitty Claudette Sutherland
Frump Charles Nelson Reilly
Miss Jones Ruth Kobart
Mr. Twimble Sammy Smith
Hedy Virginia Martin
Scrubwomen Mara Landi, Silver Saundors
Miss Krumholz Mara Landi
Toynbee Ray Mason
Ovington Lanier Davis
Policeman Bob Murdock
Womper Sammy Smith

Singers: David Collyer, Lanier Davis, Robert Kaliban, Bob Murdock, Casper Roos, Charlotte Frazier, Mara Landi, Fairfax Mason, Silver Saundors, Maudeen Sullivan
Dancers: Nick Andrews, Tracy Everitt, Stuart Fleming, Richard Korthaze, Dale Moreda, Darrell Notara, Merritt Thompson, Carol Jane Abney, Madilyn Clark, Elaine Cancilla, Suzanne France, Donna McKechnie, Ellie Sommers, Rosemary Yellen

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING began rehearsals on August 3, 1961 and opened on October 14, 1961 at the 46th Street Theatre in New York City, where it ran for over 3 years, 1,417 performances, closing in March of 1965, making it the fifth longest running musical of that time.  It was Frank Loesser's longest running musical.  The show reunited the GUYS AND DOLLS (1950) team of Frank Loesser (music and lyrics), Abe Burrows (book), Cy Feuer and Ernest Martin (producers).  In addition, Feuer and Martin had worked previously with Loesser on WHERE'S CHARLEY?  (1948) and with Burrows on CAN-CAN (1953) and SILK STOCKINGS (1955).

The property originated in 1952 as a satiric book by Shepherd Mead, an advertising executive at Benton and Bowles.  Jack Weinstock and Willie Gilbert bought the stage rights and adapted it for the theatre, but it was never produced.

The first and only choice for the role of J. Pierpont Finch was Robert Morse, who had appeared in SAY, DARLING (1958) (directed and co-authored by Burrows), THE MATCHMAKER and TAKE ME ALONG (1959).  (In OPEN A NEW WINDOW (2001), Ethan Mordden calls him "the only actor in history with a likable smirk.")  Burrows and Loesser tailored the part of Finch especially for him.  In addition to winning the Tony for HOW TO SUCCEED, he won one for his portrayal of Truman Capote in the one-man show TRU (1990).  On January 31, 2000, he was inducted into the Theatre Hall of Fame; the minimum requirement for induction is 25 years in the theatre with at least 5 Broadway appearances.  He is returning to network TV in 2000 in the new Steven Bochco series CITY OF ANGELS.  The role of J.B. Biggley was initially offered to Terry-Thomas, but when negotiations broke down, they turned to Rudy Vallee, who had not appeared on Broadway since GEORGE WHITE'S SCANDALS OF 1935.

 Musical staging was by Bob Fosse; Hugh Lambert choreographed the Pirate number, THE YO-HO-HO, a satire of TV choreography, which is not on the original cast album, and Fosse did the rest.  Charles Nelson Reilly went on to appear in the sitcom THE GHOST AND MRS. MUIR (1968) and was a guest panelist on a number of game shows, such as MATCH GAME and HOLLYWOOD SQUARES.  He additionally became a director of stage shows, including several which starred Julie Harris.  Of the chorus, Donna McKechnie went on to the most visible career, appearing in the original cast of COMPANY (1970), creating a role in the original cast of A CHORUS LINE (1975), marrying the director-choreographer, Michael Bennett, and starring in revivals of many well known musicals.  Lanier Davis put his performing career on hold for a time and became the stage manager of WAIT A MINIM! (1966).

The original cast album was recorded October 22, 1961 in Webster Hall, New York City.  The show was an immediate success, garnering many favorable reviews and repaid its investors in just 21 weeks.  It won seven Tony awards including Best Musical, Leading Actor in a Musical (Robert Morse), Featured Actor in a Musical (Charles Nelson Reilly), Outstanding Director of a Musical (Abe Burrows), Outstanding Author, Musical Play (Burrows, Weinstock and Gilbert) Outstanding Conductor and Musical Director (Elliot Lawrence) and Outstanding Musical Producer (Feuer and Martin).  Only Loesser lost out, when the Outstanding Composer award went to Richard Rodgers for NO STRINGS.  Additionally, it won the 1962 Pulitzer Prize for Drama.  A London production followed starring Warren Berlinger and Billy DeWolfe; there were also productions in Paris, Australia, Israel, Denmark and Japan as well as two national tours.  

It was made into a film in 1967 with Rudy Vallee, Robert Morse, Sammy Smith and Ruth Kobart recreating their roles from the original Broadway cast; in addition to Michele Lee (who had replaced Bonnie Scott early in the Broadway run) and Maureen Arthur (who had played Hedy LaRue on the road and as a replacement on Broadway).  The film dumped most of Rosemary's songs and compensated by having her sing I BELIEVE IN YOU to Finch after their dinner date.  The production numbers COFFEE BREAK and PARIS ORIGINAL disappeared as well, although the latter is heard as background music.  CINDERELLA DARLING and LOVE FROM A HEART OF GOLD also were cut.

Much to my regret, I did not get to see HOW TO SUCCEED on Broadway where Bobby Morse played Finch for nearly two years.  However, it was such a success that it was revived some years after with Bobby Morse and Rudy Vallee on a circuit of summer theatres (some of them in tents) and this is where I finally got to see the two original stars at the Valley Forge Music Fair on July 23, 1970 when a Row D ticket cost $5.25.  I had previously seen the show, also at the Valley Forge Music Fair in 1966 with Darryl Hickman and Allan Jones in the leads.   And I saw the 1995 revival with Matthew Broderick and Ronn Carroll, when a first row orchestra seat cost a whopping $67.50.  (Matthew Broderick won the Tony for the role of Finch as well).  One thing that surprised me when I saw the Broderick revival is how fast paced the show was; it seemed to zoom from one great musical number to the next.  One of my regrets about not seeing the original production on Broadway was missing the wonderful cartoony sets, which were big, brightly colored cutouts, designed by Robert Randolph, who also designed SWEET CHARITY, FUNNY GIRL, LITTLE ME and BYE, BYE, BIRDIE.

Click here for a 2011 interview with Bobby Morse on Kevin Pollak's Chat Show.

If you have Real Audio, click here for a 30-second excerpt of the Overture from the original cast album.

How To

If you have Real Audio, click here for a 30-second excerpt from the original cast album of HOW TO.

The show opens with Finch on a scaffold suspended outside the New York headquarters of World Wide Wickets.  He is dressed as a window washer.  (I can't remember how this was staged in a tent in the round!)  Finch is very ambitious as he reads from a guidebook called HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING:

How to--apply for a job;
How to--advance from the mail room;
How to--sit down at a desk;
How to--dictate memorandums;
How to--develop executive style;
How to commute
In a three-button suit,
With that weary executive smile.
This book is all that I need:
How to--how to--succeed!

How to--observe personnel;
How to--select whom to lunch with;
How to--avoid petty friends;
How to--begin making contacts;
How to walk into a conference room
With an idea--brilliant business idea--
That will make your expense account zoom!
This book is all that I need:
How to--how to--succeed!

Entering the building, Finch literally bumps into the company president, J.B. Biggley.  Finch is also spotted by Rosemary, a secretary.  Finch casually mentions "bumping into" Biggley to Mr. Bratt, head of personnel, and manages to land a job in the mailroom.   In OPEN A NEW WINDOW (2001), Ethan Mordden describes this opening by saying that Morse "made a gala entrance, as the first of the cast to be seen, lowered from the flies as a widow washer. . .  As he reached the song's end, he unstrapped himself, stepped onto the street, and, as the building rose, found himself in the lobby of the World Wide Wickets Company, Inc.  Now comes the other star entrance:  in the confusion of a scene filled with rushing people, Morse collided with someone, and the two of them crashed to the floor in a perfectly balanced setting as everyone else backed away and looked aghast. To the right, Morse.  To the left, Rudy Vallee, as the CEO.  What followed moved so quickly that, before the scene was over, we had met Morse's love object (Bonnie Scott), her sidekick (Claudette Sutherland), his nemesis, Vallee's nephew (Charles Nelson Reilly), and a sample executive (Paul Reed)."


Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm

If you have Real Audio, click here for a 30-second excerpt from the original cast album of HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM.

Already smitten with Finch, Rosemary fantasizes about life married to him.

New Rochelle, New Rochelle,
That's the place where the mansion will be
For me and the darling bright young man
I've picked out for marrying me.

He'll do well, I can tell,
So it isn't a moment too soon
To plan on my life in New Rochelle,
The wife of my darling tycoon.

I'll be so happy to keep his dinner warm
While he goes onward and upward;
Happy to keep his dinner warm
Till he comes wearily home from down town.

I'll be there waiting until his mind is clear
While he looks through me, right through me;
Waiting to say, "Good evening, dear.
I'm pregnant.  What's new with you from down town?"

Oh, to be loved by a man I respect;
To bask in the glow of his perfectly understandable neglect.
Oh, to belong in the aura of his frown--darling busy frown.
Such heaven--wearing the wifely uniform
While he goes onward and upward.
Happy to keep his dinner warm
Till he comes wearily home from down town.


Coffee Break

If you have Real Audio, click here for a 30-second excerpt from the original cast album of COFFEE BREAK.

Bob Fosse created a very funny dance for Charles Nelson Reilly and the singing and dancing ensemble to perform to this "ominous cha cha" about how addicted everyone is to coffee that when they can't get it, they go crazy.  They scream, they faint; one dancer even falls into the orchestra pit (Fosse used this bit in the opening of SWEET CHARITY, as well, only this time it was the star, Gwen Verdon, who gets pushed into the pit which is meant to be the Central Park lake).

There's no coffee!  No coffee!  Oh!

If I can't take my coffee break,
My coffee break, my coffee break . . .
If I can't take my coffee break,
Something within me dies.
Lies down and something within me dies.

If I can't make three daily trips
Where shining shrine
Benignly drips
And taste cardboard between my lips,
Something within me dies.
Lies down and something within me dies.

No coffee!  No coffee!  No coffee!
No coffee!  No coffee!  No coffee!
No coffee!  No coffee!  

That office light doesn't have to be fluorescent;
I'll get no pains in the head.
That office chair doesn't have to be foam rubber;
So if I spread, so I spread;
But only one chemical substance
Gets out the lead--
Like she said:

If I can't take my coffee break,
My coffee break, my coffee break . . .
If I can't take my coffee break,
Gone is the sense of enterprise
All gone, and something within me dies.

No coffee!  No coffee!  No coffee!
No coffee!  No coffee!  No coffee!
No coffee!  No coffee!  No coffee!
No coffee!

If I can't take my coffee break,
Somehow the soul no longer tries;
Somewhere I don't metabolize;
Something within me . . .
Coffee or otherwise,
Coffee or otherwise,
Coffee or otherwise,
Something inside of me dies!


The Company Way

If you have Real Audio, click here and here for a 30-second excerpt from the original cast album of THE COMPANY WAY.

Mr. Twimble, head of the mail room, has worked for the company for 25 years; all of them in the mail room.  Finch's book advises him the mailroom is a place from which to escape as soon as possible.  When he is offered a mail room promotion, Finch turns it down, recommending Frump, the boss'  unscrupulous nephew.
Twimble: When I joined this firm
As a brash young man,
Well, I said to myself,
"Now, brash young man,
Don't get any ideas."
Well, I stuck to that,
And I haven't had one in years.
Finch: You play it safe.
Twimble: I play it the company way;
Wherever the company puts me
There I stay.
Finch: But what is your point of view?
Twimble: I have no point of view.
Finch: Supposing the company thinks . . .
Twimble: I think so too.
Finch: Now, what would you say . . .?
Twimble: I wouldn't say.
Finch: Your face is a company face.
Twimble: It smiles at executives
Then goes back in place.
Finch: The company furniture?
Twimble: Oh, it suits me fine.
Finch: The company letterhead?
Twimble: A valentine.
Finch: Anything you're against?
Twimble: Unemployment.
Finch: When they want brilliant thinking
From employees
Twimble: That is no concern of mine.
Finch: Suppose a man of genius
Makes suggestions?
Twimble: Watch that genius get suggested to resign.
Finch: So you play it the company way?
Twimble: All company policy is by me OK.
Finch: You'll never rise up to the top.
Twimble: But there's one thing clear:
Whoever the company fires,
I will still be here.
Finch: Oh, you certainly found a home!
Twimble: It's cozy.
Finch: Your brain is a company brain.
Twimble: The company washed it,
Now I can't complain.
Finch: Hey, the company magazine!
Twimble: Oh, what style, what punch!
Finch: The company restaurant!
Twimble: Ev'ry day same lunch:
Their haddock sandwich; it's delicious!
Finch: I must try it.
Twimble: (Early in the week.)
Finch: Do you have any hobbies?
Twimble: I've a hobby; I play gin with Mr. Bratt.
Finch: Mr. Bratt!  And do you play it nicely?
Twimble: Play it nicely . . . still, he blitzes me
In every game, like that!
Finch: Why?
Twimble: 'Cause I play it the company way.
Executive policy is by me OK.
Finch: Oh, how can you get anywhere?
Twimble: Junior, have no fear;
Whoever the company fires,
I will still be here.
Finch: You will still be here.
Both: Year after year after fiscal,
Never take a risk-al year!
Frump: Oh, me too, me too, Mr. Twimble!
I know exactly what you mean.
From now on . . .
I'll play it the company way,
Wherever the company puts me
There'll I'll stay.
Whatever the company tells him
That he'll do.
Whatever my uncle may think,
I think so too.

He's beaming with company pride.
I've conquered that overambitious rat inside.
Old Bud is no longer the Frump he used to be.
I pledge to the company sweet conformity.

I will someday earn my medal:
Twenty-five year employee.
I'll see to it that the medal
Is the only thing they'll ever pin on me.

The Frump way is the company way.
Executive policy is by him OK.
I'll never be president,
But there's one thing clear,
As long as my uncle can stand me,
I will still be here.

We know the company may like or lump any man,
And if they choose to the company may dump any man;
But they will never dump Frump, the company man.
Frump will play it the company,
Frump will play it the company,
Frump will play it the company way!

Since he turned down the mailroom promotion, Finch is free to be promoted into a more interesting junior executive position.  


A Secretary is Not a Toy

This number was originally written as a waltz for Rudy Vallee.  During the out of town previews, this number wasn't going very well and Bob Fosse got the idea to restage it as a soft shoe for the dancing ensemble.  Loesser was so impressed when Fosse demonstrated the revised staging, he wrote new lyrics.  This number makes wonderful use of the sound of a typewriter and other percussive punctuation of the sort that occurs regularly in numbers choreographed by Bob Fosse (like the "ssst" sounds in STEAM HEAT and the finger snaps in RAZZLE DAZZLE).  Biggley has arranged for his "close friend", the well built Hedy LaRue, to be hired as a secretary.  The executives compete to have Hedy assigned to them, despite the warnings of Mr. Bratt.  For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here .

Gentlemen.  Gentlemen.
A secretary is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle and playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy.
No, a secretary is not,
Definitely not, a toy.

You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt.
We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt.
It's a company rule, Mr. Bratt.

A secretary is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy.
So do not go jumping for joy, boy.
A secretary is not . . .
A secretary is not . . .
A secretary is not a toy.

A secretary is not to be
Used for play therapy.
Be good to the girl you employ, boy.
Remember no matter what
Neurotic trouble you've got
A secretary is not a toy.

She's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity,
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the office community.
With a mother at home she supports;
And you'll find nothing like her at FAO Schwarz.

A secretary is not a pet
Nor an e-rector set.
It happened to Charlie McCoy, boy:
They fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot
A secretary is not a toy.

A secretary is not a toy.
And when you put her to use . . .
Observe when you put her to use . . .
That you don't find the name "Lionel"
On her caboose.

A secretary is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string.
Her pad is to write in
And not spend the night in.
If that's what you plan to enjoy.
No!!

The secretary ya got,
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte,
Or you know what.

Before you jump for joy,
Remember this, my boy,
A secretary is not
A tinkertoy!


Been a Long Day

Rosemary's friend, Smitty, helps her maneuver Finch into having dinner with Rosemary.  Ethan Mordden, writing in OPEN A NEW WINDOW (2001), describes this as "Claudette Sutherland more or less reads Morse and Scott's thought balloons for us".  Not included on the original cast LP is a reprise sung by Frump, Biggley and Hedy.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.
Smitty: Well, here it is five pm,
The finish of a long day's work;
And there they are, both of them,
The secretary and the clerk.

Not very well acquainted;
Not very much to say;
But I can hear those two little minds
Tickin' away.

Now she's thinking:

Rosemary: I wonder if we take the same bus?
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: There could be quite a thing between us.
Smitty: Now she's thinking:
Rosemary: He really is a dear.
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: But what of my career?
Smitty: And she says:
Rosemary: Hmm.
Smitty: And he says:
Finch: A hum heh.
Well, it's been a long day.
All: Well, it's been a long,
Been a long, been a long,
Been a long day.
Smitty: Now, she's thinking:
Rosemary: I wish that he were more of a flirt.
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: I guess a little flirting won't hurt.
Smitty: Now she's thinking:
Rosemary: For dinner we could meet.
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: We both have got to eat.
Smitty: And she says:
Rosemary: Achoo!
Smitty: And he says:
Finch: Gesundheit.
Well, it's been a long day.
All: Well, it's been a long,
Been a long, been a long,
Been a long day.
Smitty: Hey, there's a yummy Friday special at Stouffer's;
It's a dollar ninety vegetable plate
And on the bottom of the ad--not bad--
Service for two, three-fifty-eight.
(To make a bargain, make a date.)
Rosemary: Wonderful.
Finch: It's fate.
Smitty: Now she's thinking:
Rosemary: What female kind of trap could I spring?
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: I might as well forget the whole thing.
Smitty: Now, she's thinking:
Rosemary: Suppose I take his arm.
Smitty: And he's thinking:
Finch: Well, really what's the harm?
Smitty: And she says:
Rosemary: Hungry?
Smitty: And he says:
Finch: Yeah!
Rosemary: Yeah!
Smitty: Yeah.
All: Well, it's been a long day.
Well, it's been a long,
Been a long, been a long,
Been a long day.

Well, it's been a long,
Been a long, been a long,
Been a long day.


Grand Old Ivy

Finch has charmed Miss Jones, Biggley's dragon of a secretary, into revealing the boss's college affiliation.  At the same time, he learns Biggley will be stopping by the office Saturday morning to pick up his golf clubs.  Arriving seconds before the boss, Finch strews empty coffee cups and papers around and musses up himself, as if he had been working all night, then he pretends to be asleep at his desk.  Biggley is suitably impressed that Finch is so dedicated.  Finch hums the song from Biggley's college, and when this inspires the boss to sing it, Finch chimes in a beat behind, because he is really unfamiliar with the words.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

Groundhog!  Groundhog!
Stand, Old Ivy, stand firm and strong.
Grand Old Ivy, hear the cheering throng.
Stand, Old Ivy, and never yield.
Rip, rip, rip the chipmunk off the field.

When you fall on the ball
And you're down there at the bottom of the heap,
Down at the bottom of the heap!
Where the mud is oh so very, very deep,
Down in the cruddy, muddy, deep!

Don't forget, boy,
That's why they call us,
They call us
Groundhog!  Groundhog!
Stand, Old Ivy, stand firm and strong.
Grand Old Ivy, hear the cheering throng.
Stand, Old Ivy, and never yield.
Rip, rip, rip the chipmunk off the field.

Finch is given a small office and Hedy is assigned as his secretary, but he realizes from her lack of secretarial skills she is dangerous to be around; he arranges for her to cross paths with his skirt-chasing boss, Mr. Gatch.  Soon Gatch is transferred to Venezuela and Finch is promoted to his job.  


Paris Original

The employees are invited to a company dance to celebrate the appointment of a new Vice-President of Advertising.  Hoping to entice Finch, Rosemary splurges on a Paris designer dress, but all the other female employees, including Miss Jones, attend wearing the same dress.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

I slipped out this afternoon
And bought some love insurance:
A most exclusive dress from gay Paree.
It's sleek and chic and magnifique
With sex beyond endurance.
It's me, it's me, it's absolutely me;
And why?  One guy.

This irresistible Paris original
I'm wearing tonight,
I'm wearing tonight
'Specially for him.

This irresistible Paris original's
All paid for and mine;
I must look devine
'Specially for him.

Suddenly he will see me
And suddenly he'll go dreamy
And blame it all on his own
Masculine whim,
Never knowing that

This irresistible Paris original,
So temptingly tight
I'm wearing tonight
'Specially for him, for him.

This irresistible Paris original,
I'm wearing tonight,
She's wearing tonight
And I could spit.

Some irresponsible dress manufacturer
Just didn't play fair.
I'm one of a pair,
And I could---oh no!

This irresistible Paris original,
All slinky with sin;
Already slunk in
And I could die.
And I could kill her.

This irresistible Paris original,
Tres sexy, n'est pas?
God damn it, voila
And I could spit.

Thirty-nine bucks I hand out
For something to make me stand out
And suddenly I've gone into mimeograph.
Some laugh!

This irresistible Paris original,
This mass-produced crime,
I'm wearing tonight
For the very last time!


Rosemary

Frump, who views Finch as the main rival to his own ambitions, arranges for Hedy and Finch to be caught alone in Biggley's office.  When Hedy kisses Finch, he suddenly realizes he loves Rosemary.  Rosemary arrives and thinks the worst when she spots Hedy in a towel because she's used Biggley's shower, until Finch convinces her it is Rosemary he loves.  Bobby Morse, who was so adorably boyish as Finch, does a wonderful mime in this number, of being hit by cupid's arrow and trying to tug it out.  The second time Finch sings "what a crescendo", the orchestra plays nine bars of Grieg's piano concerto while Finch stands transfixed by the thought of kissing Rosemary.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.
Finch: Suddenly there is music
In the sound of your name:
Rosemary!  Rosemary!

Was the melody locked inside me
Till at last out it came?
Rosemary!  Rosemary!

Just imagine if we kissed!
What a crescendo, not to be missed.

As for the rest of my lifetime program,
Give me more of the same:
Rosemary!  Rosemary!
There is wonderful music in the very sound
Of your name!

Rosemary: Ponty, what are you talking about?
Finch: Rosemary, the most wonderful thing has happened.  Oh, can't you hear it?  Can't you hear it?

Suddenly there is music
In the sound of your name

Rosemary: I don't hear a thing.
Finch: Rosemary!  It's all around me; it's like a beautiful pink sky!
Rosemary: Now, look here, J. Pierrepont Finch . . .
Finch: Rosemary, darling, will you please marry J. Pierrepont Finch?
Rosemary: Now I hear it!  I hear it!  I hear it!

Suddenly there is music
In the sound of your name.
J. Pierrepont!

Finch: Rosemary!

Just imagine if we kissed!
What a crescendo,

Both: Not to be missed.
Finch: As for the rest of my lifetime program,
Give me more of the same:
Rosemary!  Rosemary!
Both: There is wonderful music in the very sound
Of your name!
Finch: Wait a minute, Rosemary.  Hello, operator:  give me the man who paints names on office doors.  Hello, name painter?  This is Mr. Finch.  I want my name on my door in gold leaf.  Yes, J. Pierrepont Finch.  J. Pierrepont.  No, no, all capitals.  Block letters:

J. Pierrepont,
Vice President
In Charge of Advertising
F-I-N-C-H

The usual spelling.
J. Pierrepont
Boy, when you see it on your own door,
There is wonderful music
In the very sound
Of your name!

Biggley learns the new Vice-President of Advertising is from Old Ivy's rival college, a "chipmunk", so he fires him and gives Finch the job.  Now Rosemary will be Finch's secretary.  Rosemary is not very pleased that after Finch declares his love, he seems more excited about this promotion than interested in her; and Frump plots revenge as the first act ends.   Click here for the Finaletto


Cinderella, Darling

As Act II opens, in a misunderstanding about Finch and Hedy, Rosemary quits, but Smitty begs her to reconsider.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

How often does it happen
That a secretary's boss
Wants to marry her?
Halleluia!

How often does the dream come true
Without a sign of conflict
Or barrier?
Halleluia!

Why treat the man
Like he was a typhoid carrier?

How often can you fly
From this land of carbon paper
To the land of flowered chinz?
Halleluia!

How often does a Cinderella
Get a crack at the prince?
Cinderella and the prince.

Don't you realize
You're a real live fairy tale,
A symbol devine?
So if not for your own sake,
Please darling, for mine.

Don't, don't, don't, Cinderella, darling,
Don't turn down the prince.
Don't rewrite your story.
You're the legend, the folk lore,
The working girl's dream of glory.

We were raised on you, darling,
And we've loved you ever since.
Don't mess up a major miracle;
Don't, Cinderella, don't turn down the prince.

Oh, let us live it with you,
Each hour of each day:
On from Bergdorf Goodman
To Elizabeth Arden
In the station wagon
Hurry from Twenty-One
To the Tarrytown PTA.

(No, New Rochelle.)

New Rochelle PTA.

Oh, do not leave us minus
Our vicarious bonus.
We want to see his highness
Married to your lowness.
On you, Cinderella, sits the onus;
So when you name the happy day,
Please phone us.

But don't, don't, don't, Cinderella, darling,
Don't turn down the prince.
Why spoil our enjoyment?
You're the fable, the symbol
Of glorified unemployment.

We were raised on you, darling,
And we've loved you ever since.
Don't louse up our fav'rite fairy tale;
Don't, Cinderella,
Don't, don't, don't,
Don't, Cinderella,
Don't, don't, don't,
Don't, Cinderella, don't,
Don't turn down the prince.

(All right.  I'll give him one more chance.)

Halleluia.

As Vice-President of Advertising, Finch must come up with a "big idea" to promote the company.  Frump, pretending to be friends, offers the idea of a giveaway game show.  Rosemary and Finch make up.  


Love From a Heart of Gold

Hedy decides to leave the company as well, but Biggley begs her to stay:   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

Where will I find a treasure
Like the love from a heart of gold?
Ever trusting and sweet
And awaiting my pleasure,
Rain or shine, hot or cold.

Wealth far beyond all measure
Maybe here in my hands I'll hold.
Ah, but where will I find
That one treasure of treasures?
The love from a heart of gold.

Hedy gives Biggley 24 hours to come up with a suitable, non-secretarial job for her.


I Believe in You

Prior to the big boardroom meeting, the executives gather in the executive washroom to plot against Finch.  Finch, meantime, looks into a mirror and gives himself a pep talk.  This was very cleverly staged with Finch facing the audience while he talked to himself, but really playing directly to the audience; the orchestra played kazoos to mimic the sound of electric razors as the executives shaved their faces, while worrying about how to stop Finch.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.  Click here for a video of the entire song recreated by Bobby Morse at the 1971 Tony Awards.
Executives: Gotta stop that man,
I gotta stop that man cold . . .
Or he'll stop me.

Big deal, big rocket,
Thinks he has the world
In his pocket.

Gotta stop, gotta stop,
Gotta stop that man.

Finch: Now there you are;
Yes, there's that face,
That face that somehow I trust.
It may embarrass you to hear me say it,
But say it I must, say it I must:

You have the cool, clear
Eyes of a seeker of wisdom and truth;
Yet there's that upturned chin
And that grin of impetuous youth.
Oh, I believe in you.
I believe in you.

I hear the sound of good, solid judgment
Whenever you talk;
Yet there's the bold, brave spring of the tiger
That quickens your walk.
Oh, I believe in you.
I believe in you.

And when my faith in my fellow man
All but falls apart,
I've but to feel your hand grasping mine
And I take heart; I take heart

To see the cool, clear
Eyes of a seeker of wisdom and truth;
Yet, with the slam-bang tang
Reminiscent of gin and vermouth.
Oh, I believe in you.
I believe in you.

Executives: Gotta stop that man,
Gotta stop that man . . .
Or he'll stop me.

Big wheel, big beaver,
Boiling hot
With front office fever.
Gotta stop, gotta stop,
Gotta stop that man.

Finch: Oh, I believe in you.
Executives: Don't let him be such a hero!
Finch: I believe in you.
You!  You!  Mwah!

It turns out that Biggley is well known to hate giveaway games shows, which Frump banked on, but Finch is able to persuade him to try the idea by featuring Hedy as the Treasure Hunt Girl at the presentation.  The treasure is stock in the company and only Finch and Biggley are supposed to know where it is hidden.  However, when Hedy is asked on TV to swear on a Bible she doesn't know where the prizes are hidden, she blurts out the ten locations.  TV viewers watching the broadcast storm the buildings, causing a lot of destruction as they try to find the hidden loot.  And all the blame goes to Finch, to the delight of Frump and the other executives.


Brotherhood of Man

At the meeting where Finch has been summoned to be chewed out and probably fired, Finch encounters Wally Womper, the Chairman.  Finch is ready to sign his resignation and go back to his job as window washer; but it turns out Womper started as a window washer as well and is willing to hear Finch out.  As they discuss the disaster, it emerges that the giveaway gameshow was all Frump's idea.  Frump is now the one in disgrace, as Finch reminds Womper of the kinship with his fellow men.   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

Now, you may join the Elks, my friend,
And I may join the Shriners;
And other men may carry cards
As members of the Diners.

Still others wear a golden key
Or small Greek letter pin;
But I have learned there's one great club
That all of us are in.

There is a Brotherhood of Man,
A Benevolent Brotherhood of Man,
A noble tie that binds
All human hearts and minds
Into one Brotherhood of Man.

Your lifelong membership is free.
Keep agivin' each brother all you can.
Oh aren't you proud to be
In that fraternity,
The great big Brotherhood of Man?

So, Wally, before you consider firing everybody, remember this:

One man may seem incompetent,
Another not make sense,
While others look like quite a waste
Of company expense.

They need a brother's leadership,
So please don't do them in.
Remember mediocrity
Is not a mortal sin.

They're in the Brotherhood of Man,
Dedicated to giving all we can.
Oh, aren't you proud to be
In that fraternity,
The great big Brotherhood of Man?

You, you got me;
Me, I got you, you!

Oh, that noble feeling,
Feels like bells are pealing,
Down with double-dealing,
Oh Brother!

You, you got me;
Me, I got you, you!

Your lifelong membership is free.
Keep agivin' each brother all you can.
Oh aren't you proud to be
In that fraternity,
The great big Brotherhood of Man?

Womper announces his retirement as Chairman; he and his new wife, the former Hedy LaRue, are leaving for a honeymoon trip around the world.  Womper appoints Finch the new Chairman, but Finch first checks with his wife, Rosemary, before he accepts.  Rosemary says she doesn't care if he's in the mailroom or the Chairman or President of the United States.  Finch's ambition is fired by this last suggestion.


Finale

Frump appears outside, washing the windows as he reads his copy of the guidebook HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING, as the executive sing about the "departed" Frump, for whom they shed a "mournful tear".  (In its only improvement over the stage show, the last scene of the film shows Finch up to his old tricks, as a window washer at the White House, where the actor playing the President looks like LBJ.)   For a 30-second soundbyte from the original Broadway cast album, click here.

We play it the company way;
Executive policy is by us okay.
Though for the departed we shed
A mournful tear,
Whoever the company fires,
We will still be here!


All lyrics posted copyright 1961 Frank Loesser
Frank Music Corp.

Commentary by Judy Harris

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