" She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought World War Eleven."<br> - Joan Rivers
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 "If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee in the morning, you have to take the spoon out of the cup."<br> - Norm Crosby
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 "I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons."<br> - Will Rogers
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 "Baseball is a kid's game that grownups only tend to screw up."<br> - Bob Lemon, pitcher, manager and Hall of Famer
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 "When I was a kid, we were evicted so often we had to buy curtains that matched the sidewalks."<br> - Milton Berle
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 "Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise."<br> - Anonymous
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 "A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew."<br> - Herb Caen
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 "I bought my wife a new car. Three weeks ago she learned how to drive it. Last week she learned how to aim it."<br> - Henny Youngman
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 "I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body and then I realised, "what is telling me that?""<br> - Emo Philips
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 "Want to have some fun? Walk into an antique shop and say, "What's new?""<br> - Henny Youngman
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 "We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."<br> - Will Rogers
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 "After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said "No hablo ingles.""<br> - Ronnie Shakes
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 "I woke up and my girl asked if I slept well. I said "No, I made a couple of mistakes.""<br> - Steven Wright
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 "If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, have you considered becoming a guillotine operator?"<br> - Don Geddis
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 "Listen, everybody is entitled to my opinion."<br>- Madonna
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 "The rabbit's foot you carry for good luck wasn't very lucky for the rabbit, was it?"<br> - R.E. Shay
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 "Politicians are people who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel."<br> - John Quintan
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 "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." <br> - Mitch Ratliffe
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 "The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting." <br>- Amanda Cross (pseudonym of Carolyn Heilbrun), American Author
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