(Minuteman and Pizza)

The doomsday technology that kept the Cold War cold has now been put to a more wholesome use - delivering fresh hot pizza anywhere in the world in about 20 minutes. Just punch in your order on our Minuteman Pizzamatic ordering module, and we do the rest. Within seconds, the Pizzamatic automatically calculates your position and places your order. Soon you receive a confirmation from Mission Control of the menu items you have ordered, with a guaranteed delivery time (if your pizza arrives late, it's on us - you owe nothing). You still have one minute to cancel your order or add extra toppings. When you are sure you are ready, simultaneously turn the two red keys at the bottom of the Pizzamatic to initiate delivery. It is now too late to change your mind - an inexorable process is about to unfold: The finest cold ingredients are assembled, placed aboard one of our launch vehicles, using the latest MERV technology (multiple edible reentry vehicles), and sent on their way. While enroute, your pizza cooks to perfection as the heat of atmospheric friction partly burns away its thick lower crust. As soon as the pizza has landed, within about 100 feet (CEP) of your doorstep or  other ordering location, it is ready to eat - just peel away the cone-shaped aluminum foil cover and enjoy!

During the Cold War, hundreds of billions of dollars went into developing and building ICBMs that were never used. Today the civilian descendants of these missiles make thousands of deliveries every hour, realizing economies of scale undreamt of by their original inventors. We are proud to offer our unique service for the amazingly low price of $749.50 for a basic large cheese pizza (serves four), and $2.00 for each additional topping. Discounts are available for multiple deliveries to the same location (perfect for wedding receptions and lawn parties - just stay under the tent until all the pizzas have arrived).

(Web site (c) 1998, 99 C.H. Bennett, H.J. Bernstein and J.A. Smolin. "Minuteman Pizza," "Minuteman Pizzamatic," "MERV," and "The Pizza Has Landed" are trademarks.)



You are visitor number  since 19 Nov. 2001. Email bennetc@bestweb.net